So, how do we know when we have met a man who is emotionally mature enough and a good match for us?
If you have ever dated a controller, narcissist or abuser, often times you can look back and see the signs from the beginning.
The way we treat people in life tells a great deal about us. Here are 5 simple (there are many) ways to see if he is an emotionally mature and stable man. Many things he will say or do will also let you know if he is ready for a long term relationship.
Pay attention to how he treats:
People He Doesn’t Know. How does he treat people around you? Is he kind to waitstaff, bar tender, cab/Uber driver, etc? Is he flirting with other women? Does he tip according to service? Is he patient, rude, demanding? Demanding, overbearing, demeaning, flirting, rude, those are definite red flags. This could reflect how he may treat you. Just notice if he is respectful to those that he may not see as equals.
His Family. How does he talk about his parents, siblings, etc?Is there turmoil within their relationship? Does he openly hold resentment/anger? If there are unresolved issues within their relationship, those could easily affect how he treats you if you are in a romantic relationship with him. Is he a mommy’s boy? That alone could indicate that he is immature or that he may be looking for someone to “take care of him like mommy does.”
His Children and/or Ex. Most women of high value expect a significant other to have a relationship with his children, if at all possible. He should, over time, want to talk about them and tell you about their likes and dislikes. Does he make time for them? How does he talk about his ex? Is he angry? Bitter? Jealous? These can all be signs he is not quite over her.
His Friends. Notice what he says about his friends. What type things do they like to do. Is it meet in bars every weekend? Do they plan weekends or activities like golfing or boating or fishing or hiking? Are his friends married, in relationships, single? If he is with them when you meet, observe and listen to what they say. Are their significant others there? Are they speaking kindly of them? Do they appear responsible and mature? You know they say, “you are the company you keep.” If you get in a relationship with him, chances are you will be around his friends. You have to be able to get along with them. You want their values to align with yours. Preferably some are in committed relationships. That is a good sign.
Work. How does he talk about work? Does he show respect for authority? Compassion? Eagerness? Pride in his work? How he handles authority and dealing with people can show you a great deal about his emotional maturity and capacity to handle adversity in a relationship. If he is unhappy in his work, is he looking for work elsewhere?
There are many men out there that are worthy of your time and energy. You don’t have to “be able to trust men” when you begin to date him. Trust yourself! Trust your instincts and gut feelings. Don’t ignore something about him that bothers you!!
Just LISTEN. If something feels uncomfortable or gives you an uneasy feeling and you aren’t sure why or it goes against your values, move on. If you feel he has potential, you may have to do a little extra digging to find out why he feels the way he feels.
Sheri XOXO
