Society creates the illusion that bullying is something that happens only to children.  It happens in school or any where children are gathered.  Bullying can happen to any one who happens to be different, whether it is because of their culture, appearance, beliefs, or any number of reasons, or if someone appears to be weak, or when jealousy occurs.

The reasons kids bully varies.  There is peer pressure, jealousy, insecurity, rejection and the need to have power.  Some children aren’t shown empathy or taught to love one another and embrace our differences.  They don’t have good role models showing them how to treat other people.  Some see their parents bantering others about their weaknesses and sarcasm seems abundantly humorous among adults.  Children pick up on this.

Bullying- Abuse and mistreatment of someone stronger, more powerful, etc. Merriam Webster

As adults we all know a sarcastic person who loves to banter, knowing it hurts feelings.  Many of us also know that person who is a bit overbearing to us or someone else, forcing their opinions on others.  Many of us also know a person who appears to have no real choice in their life.  They are totally controlled by another person, generally a spouse or romantic partner.

Adult bullying is real.  It happens a lot.  It may be a neighbor, coworker, a friend, even a stranger.  I believe most adults have experienced bullying in one way or another at some point. With the exception of one type of person, a narcissist, no one likes it and no one enjoys it.   All adult bullies aren’t narcissistic but all narcissists are bullies.

Narcissist- An extremely self centered person who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance.  Merriam-Webster

I have been asked several questions lately about narcissism as it relates to romantic relationships.  How does someone know if their spouse is a narcissist?  How can you change a narcissist? What are signs to tell if someone I date could be a narcissist?

Well, there are several characteristics that most narcissists share.  It is a disorder that has to be diagnosed by a physician.  However, most narcissists don’t ever realize they have a problem, so they certainly do not get help for it.  If you feel you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you should do your own research and seek help.

Some of the main characteristics of a narcissist are:

• Self Centered.  They always talk about themselves and rarely care about the people they are with.  They will ask very few questions, if any, about you.  They will constantly talk about themselves.  Convincing you of what a great person they are.
• Bragging.  They think are the best at all they do.  If he beats you a game of putt-putt and can’t stop talking about it and perhaps
• Controlling.  They tell others when, where, and how to do things.  They do not take “no” for an answer.  No means no but a narc will look at a “no” like a challenge.  They will convince you that you are wrong and you should think what they think.  They have no problem at all overstepping your boundaries.
• Rules.  Rules don’t apply to them.  They only apply to other people.
• Disrespect.  They have no respect for you or your feelings.  You will eventually feel used because they do not ask you your opinion or include you in decisions that affect you, big or small.  Your opinion does not matter to them.
• Drama.  They have to be in the spot light.  They want to be noticed.  They don’t take responsibility for their actions.  They turn you into the bad guy, even when you had nothing to do with the situation.
• Impatient.  Narcs get annoyed when you don’t answer them right away (text, call, question).  Often they go into a rage if their demands/requests aren’t satisfied immediately.
• Gaslighting.  They convince people they are close to that they are wrong.  They manipulate you into thinking their way of thinking is always right.
• Emotionally detached.  They initially build you up and then when they feel they “have” you, they become distant or annoyed by you and your presence.

Narcissists very rarely change.  They have to first recognize their behavior and secondly seek help.  So if you find yourself in a relationship with someone you believe may be a narcissist, get out of the relationship, in a safe manner, of course, or seek professional help.  If you better understand this disorder, you will learn how to deal with the person.

Everyone deserves to have an opinion and live a safe, happy life.  These adult bullies can have a profound effect on you and everyone in the home.  NO ONE deserves to be manipulated and told how and what to think and feel.  You have worth.  You deserve so much more.